#89 KCamp feat. 2 Chainz - “Cut Her Off”

Karin: I was so worried that this was going to be another rap song that I unequivocally love because I love rap music. But this song is pretty boring! And I still have not exactly figured out what “cut her off” means! I know it “ain’t nothin” to do it, but what is? I will mail a kiss to whoever can tell me. 3/10

Cory: Hey, KCamp seems like a real scumbag! Cool stuff, guy! To answer Karin’s question above, in this case, KCamp’s titular “cutting her off” means withholding the two most important things in the world to the woman in question, the only oasis in the vast desert that is her miserable life, her mana from heaven, her nectar of the gods - KCamp’s money and sex. The most interesting thing about this dumb song, though, is the fact that KCamp has put a REAL WORKING PHONE NUMBER for “bookings” in the title of this song’s video on his YouTube channel! Maybe let’s all give him a call and ask what his mother would think of his dirty little mouth? 1/10

Brady: KCamp, it doesn’t sound like you’re exactly the biggest catch in the world, either, nawmean?  Like, she’s not hard to cut off?  Bro, you fucking suck.  What are you bragging about?  This song’s one of the easiest things to cut off that we’ve encountered here at Chart Throb.  Truly horrendous.  1/10  

#91 Katy Perry - “Birthday”

Cory: All of Katy Perry’s lesser singles (“Last Friday Night”, “Hot N Cold”, this one) sound exactly the same. That’s pretty weird! It’s almost like they know they’re gonna need a couple filler singles to keep the album cycle going, so they just copy-paste the song template in with new lyrics. Lyrics which, in this case, were clearly written by an 11 year old boy who just discovered the concept of innuendo. Be sure to stick around ’til the bridge for the most on the nose, least sexy sexual metaphor I’ve ever heard! 5/10

Karin: Maybe it’s because I watched the lyrical video of this song, but it feels like it’s just a long story in a sing song-y voice. There is never a moment when it launches into the hook or the chorus. There is nothing catchy about this song, and usually with Katy Perry songs it’s nothing but catchy. So this throws me a little bit. 3/10

Brady: Katy Perry is undeniably fun, and also undeniably one of the worst lyricists in pop music.  Or, at least, she hires the worst lyricists.  This metaphor is so incredibly forced.  Do people only get a taste on their birthdays?  How does that make sense?  The birthday suit and big balloons line is absolutely cringe-worthy.  But, this song is pretty fun.  7/10

#76 B.o.B feat Priscilla - “John Doe”

Brady: The ad right before this music video was of some teens in a car getting crushed by a semi truck because they were texting and driving.  And then this video comes on, and our small town girl is texting and driving, and I was just waiting for her car to get BLASTED.  Mixed messages, YouTube.  Anyways, who’s Priscilla?  This hook SLAYS.  And this video is so incredibly sad.  8/10

#84 Jake Owens - “Beachin’”

Brady: I wish I were just listening to Shawn Mullins “Lullaby” instead of this lukewarm summer version of it.  I want nothing more right now than to experience everything you’re talking about, though.  Anyone want to go to a margarita place?  Hit me up.  3/10

Karin: What did I just listen to? This half talk, half singing monstrosity of a song. Who is the audience for this? Who wants a song like thing? BRING THEM TO ME. BRING ME THE PEOPLE THAT MADE THIS SONG CHART. BRING ME THEIR HEADS. FOR A SONG THIS BAD SHOULD NEVER CHART, IT SHOULD NEVER BE LISTENED TO. 0/10

#85 Tim McGraw - “Lookin’ For That Girl”

Karin: Tim McGraw was like, “Make me more like Kanye West!” And his team of producer and songwriter and video director put their heads together, and this is what their little head shat out. Tim was like “Are you sure my face should be in shadow the whole time?” And the producer and songwriter and video director hissed, “Yes, yes, that’s what Kanye would do.” And Tim said, “And this much voice modulation?” And the three headed beast reared it’s head and said “You wanted to be like Kanye, didn’t you?” And Tim sighed, he had said that. 2/10 

Brady: What did you do to my country music?  Did Tim McGraw record this song and then push every button on the board?  Don’t do that, buddy.  2/10

#87 Tyler Farr - “Whiskey In My Water”

Brady: This is the guy who brought us the most disturbing, horrendous song in the world, so literally anything will be a huge improvement.  I do think that comparing women to alcohol is probably another red flag (hey ladies, maybe stay away from this dude), but this song doesn’t infuriate me.  It’s actually kind of nice, but I don’t think Farr has the star power to make me love this song.  This song just isn’t that strong.  Sort of like watered down whiskey.  5/10

Karin: My first thought was “Please, please don’t make me listen to another Tyler Farr song.” His past hits have not been so hot (Redneck Crazy, anyone?). BUT Tyler only comes off as kind of creepy in this song, which is like a huge improvement. And this is song is kind of catchy, so good for Tyler. I still do not like him, and would not like to spend any time with him at all ever, but good for him. 6/10

andrewpresents:

Röyksopp & Robyn | 'Monument' (Snippet)

Norwegian’s electronic music duo Röyksopp & Sweden’s very own Robyn have joined forces for their upcoming mini-album, Do It Again, which is out May 26th via Cherrytree/Interscope. Today the two shared a snipper of their new single ‘Monument.’

The first single proper will be ‘Do It Again’ and that’s out on April 28. Look out this summer for Robyn and her longtime collaborators Röyksopp to embark on the “Röyksopp and Robyn Do It Again Tour 2014”. 

#58 Shakira - “Empire”

Brady: I’m not typically a huge Shakira fan, but I guess maybe I’m questioning that now?  I mean, the past couple of tracks she’s put out have been pretty solid.  I dig this chorus!  Props on that vocal effect!  It makes this song different than every other song out there trying to sound like a Shakira song.  Man, that chorus hits hard, huh?  7/10

Karin: Um, what the fuck is this song? It’s like a Tori Amos reject. This is the same person who was just pretending to be a lesbian with Rhianna to be “daring and edgy?”  Then we got some Mumford and Sons “Oooohs. I guess I don’t hate the track, but Shakira is all over the place. I am left more confused than anything. What is happening? At least we got “uni-verse” out of it. 4/10

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